Being in love, and gay. (Much blabbering)

Why do people commit suicide? Or even attempt? Or think about? Or get depressed?
Why?
Loosing a job they love?
A friend they love?
A loved one?
A spouse?
Loosing at doing something they love?
Love, in general?
Love, in general...

Name one time you where depressed and tell me, the cause wasn't over love.
Exactly.

Lately, I've really fallen for this person...
The thing is, I think it may not work out.
I think it won't work out.
But at the same time, I see more hope for the situation then anyone else.
I have fallen, heels, over head, for this one person.
This one person controls more moves I can make in a day, and they don't even know it.
They make me wan't to be my best.
Dress nice.
Look nice.
Act nice.
Be overall, impressive...
And yet, I still worry...
I shake, when I hear his name...
When I see him, it's hard to look in his eyes.
Hard to talk without stuttering...
I'm sure this relates to hundreds of story's...
But why must I go through the huge factor of, is he gay or not?
Like I should know. Ha. Gay-dar? no.
boys are %50 0f population.
Gay boys are %15-ish population of that.
My 'type' is %2 of that.
Now, they have to be in Maryland.
Okay so that leaves me with... yeah.
Not the best scores.
I hate being gay. But love it at the same time.
I love, actually being, gay.
I hate, being so alone...
Let's face it, my best friends and eye to eye people are %99 girls.
To see all my friends have it, way easier, hurts.
But now I know to take who I have, when I have them, into great consideration.
But how can I take time to worry for myself?
I ruined things with Jason.
Oh well.
But this, is new...
This has a slim chance...
But as long, as there's even the smallest light at the end of this tunnel, I'll keep trying...
Love... huh? It's all around us, but we're searching everyday.
I've fallen for many, many many guys...
Including straight ones! And many in which I didn't know.
As in this one.
But, people tell me things. etc.
What are they? Messages of hope?
Or rumors?...
I guess I will be dealing with this, my whole life.
But right now, I know who I have feelings for.
I've only had this feeling, so many times.
It's strong. An enemy, and a friend.
I love it, and despise it...
But what's the whole goal?
I love myself. I truly do. But I want to share myself with someone.
That bond. Love. I'm ready to catch it.
It's like hunting... I guess...
Here I go...
Hunting gear, looking all spiff. Acting my best.
Showing off to the world.

Hunting... Love........