Fake smiles.

The fake smile...

You know him!

The smile you put on, when you have just been dumped, but still gotta go to that interview.

Or that smile, when hanging with friends you don't wanna burden with your troubles.

Him. The smile. He's so... Fake. 

Correct?

I rather write my troubles, then talk about them.

Because the keyboard can't reply.

I'm still, alone.

Just the way I like it...

Today, I told a friend about my crush for someone.

She told me, we'd never date.

Never?

I smiled, and said "I know! haha" like it was nothing but an idea.

But the wall's of hope, that I built myself, believing we would date, came crashing down, as soon as she said those words.

That word.

Never. 

It's the end of the night now... She's asleep.

So... what about me? What do I believe?

I believe... it might happen... things happen. 

I always did.

So, why did I smile about it?

Why did I shrug her army off, and let them destroy my fortress?

To... deny what might be the truth?

A strong possibility?

In the end, she didn't have to say such a thing.

But people say things.

And fake smiles, are the reply.

What was I suppose to do?... State my facts? Why I believed such things? Fire back?

Conflict.

So, I faked a smile... And in the end, I suffered all night, worrying about, what if she's right?

I mean hell, she probably is! But so what? I still can be safe in my mind, if I protect my little world I built up.

So here I am, re-building my castle. This time, I'm adding a battle ground.

Even if, in the worse case scenario, he's straight, begins to hate me, stops talking to me, and maybe even call's a few names... I'm safe in my mind.

He never has to know my emotions...

The time he knows, is the time I give up what I built up, for reality.

Only if reality is good enough? No... I'll never know until after I sacrifice... My world.

But right now, I'm safe... In my mind, he is mine. 

Let's just hope the day I give my world up, he's still mine.

And if he isn't, I'm loveless, once again.

Until then, I'll smile about it on the outside. Shielding what's on the inside.

Until then.....