Dear Brandon

Dear Brandon,

In the beginning of 8th grade, you will finally loose your good friend and neighbor, Amanda and ‘move out‘ of aunt Lisa‘s, and decide to befriend Nicole instead of listening to Lisa and Vikki. That doesn’t work out, just a warning. Neither of them really did…

You and Chelsea Eastlake aren’t  friends, since that night you told her about Nicole and you began texting Samantha Walters. She’s a good friend for a few years before she really, changes. Enjoy your time with Sam, you’ll loose it all and drugs will take there toll.

You and Chelsea, become friends for a short time. It’s not the same, and never will be. She’s become a female Billy… The Chelsea you know has already left at this time. You learn that and move on, as does she, despite your efforts.

You and Jewels, go through some shit to. You Chelsea, Jewels and Sam. It revolves like this for a year or more… Jewels and you make up, but since her out burst, her mother treats you much, much different and no longer is ‘Aunt. Marry’.

Chelsea moves to Florida soon after, and you never see your cuzzen again.

You have awesome classes, and your grades are great. Not as much hugs from 7th grade… You will miss those… The teachers love you though and become great friends… sometimes they will be your only friends... 

In Spanish class, your sit next to a girl. You know nothing so far, accept that she can draw, really good. You notice soon enough she’s Amanda’s younger sister, and you wanted to befriend her even more. At first she will ignore you and it will really, piss you off considering you know you will get along, and you need a drawing buddy.

You and Amanda will become friends once more. It’s again, not the same… Going down aunt. Lisa’s is nothing it use to be, so you avoid her and she comes to avoid you as well… You will never be down there again. 

You were walking home from school with Shannon, who was barely talking to you at the time, and you get in a fight with a kid who dislikes Amanda. Shannon stands by you and you win the fight... and kick some ass.

With the ease of Amanda, you and Shannon get to officially meet. You hit it off and become best friends. You sit out front every day, drawing and laughing over Dr. Pepper with her and Kara E. It’s like this for a long time… But it does end, so please cherish your time with them.

You and Amanda have your disputes, and you loose contact, and come to hating each other. You never talk again, even though she’s your neighbor, she becomes gone...

You get moved in Spanish class, next to a girl who has the only A+, she helps you and brings your grade from an E- to an A+ in one quarter. As she helps you in class, you become best of friends inside school, you also find out, she’s Shannon and Kara’s new friend as well. You will have Asacia in your life for a long time. You four become the best, of friends. Asacia is held from many activities… Her mother is a freak. But this makes her stronger then the rest, and everyone want to be friends with her, after the teacher moves you in Spanish, you two talk a lot less as she begins to get to know your old friend Chelsea who is in the same class… You sit with Shannon most of the year from then on, you and Asacia do though stay after class allot, to help the teacher with cleaning desks, this is where Miss Cammy becomes your personnel therapist. She helps you allot.

You and Asacia meet Miss Yenco, once a week, for the longest time before she begins to neglect your situation. Your cutting becomes worse and worse. 

That night you slit your throat… 

The last thing you remember was Sam, you cried into her arms and she helped you run away. You stay in a river, wet and crying… They find you.

You wined up in a mental hospital… Sheppard Pratt. You cry all the time and hate it there. You tell Mom you hate her, and you mean it at the time, for making you stay there.

You make friends, but never speak again. 

One night, your room mate molest you and attempts rape, you get out from under his silencing hand and scream for staff. You could have been raped that night and it will always scar you mentally, where he touched you, the things he told you… To shut up, I should just, shut, up… I only make things worse…

You believe him. You only make things worse. And to be honest, things do seam this way for a long time…

Your next new room mate is here for murder, killed his mom, and dog. He watches you sleep… You cry yourself to bed, every, single, night, for what seems like weeks.

Your molester, rapes the kid in the room over every night… You hear the bed smack against the wall, all the time… 

They prick you with huge needles every day, soon enough you can’t feel it anymore. You learn to not feel anything and smile when things are bad.

Your smile is a lie.

Your Dad, pudgee, never visits. That, kills you.

David visited, only to bare news, Max, the kitty you were forced to give over, had gotten out. This makes things only worse.

Sam visits, and calls regularly. She helps you get by, without her, you wouldn’t.

Your time in Sheppard Pratt, runs you through a roller coaster and kills every cell you have left.

When you leave, your only friend was sleeping and you were not aloud to say bye to her… Vanity was her name, but you call her Rainbow because she made you smile… She never leaves Sheppard Pratt, as told by the only time she contacted you… You loose connection and never speak again…

You get out, and Sam is the only person you want to see. It’s you and her for a long time. You block everyone out… You begin cutting again…

Summer hits, you and Sam, against the world. For a while… You two split, after her birthday, due to her drug habits… Drugs seem to ruin everything for you, and you don’t even do them.

Drugs become the enemy.

You have a hate, for them, that no one can grasp.

You and Jewels, return to being friends, you meet Tessa and start hanging with her. 

You forget Jewels. Tessa and you met up with Sam one day, she claims to be better…

She claims allot of things…

They both hate Jewels at this time, and you play along, until you realize, Sam changed and Tessa went back to Jewels…

Your alone now.

You come to Shannon for friend ship, and you two, as before, become even closer. 

9th grade starts here…Your cutting your wrist to your shoulder every day and no one finds out. You wear sweaters everyday to conceal scars and bloody wounds...   

Every day, you and Shannon drive to school with her mom and your mom picks you both up, with her road rage.

Lol.

You meet Sierra, you Shannon and Sierra are friends for a while. Then Sierra, becomes your world. Your new best friend. The breath of fresh air you have been looking for.

You meet Jason, the love of your life, and prove everyone wrong about him. Turning his quit personality into something more. Kissing, cuddling, and a little more, open the door to the fact, your in High school.

You just didn’t realize…

You and Shannon argue and stop being pals. Eventually you both get along again though…

Sierra gets a boyfriend, and seems to avoid you; and you and Asacia become close again once more. She’s in your Spanish class again. The teachers this year suck though… Your grades go down, you gave up…

You and Jen meet up with Sam, and become okay again. You no longer hate each other… For the moment.

You throw a party, Sam wasn’t invited, she gets high and curses you all out. 

This time, your done.

At the party, Sierra brings her Boyfriend and runs off what seems like every 5 minutes… You and Sierra lay in a 8 people tent. Everyone else lay in a 2 people tent. Tight squeeze… Because they all hated your friend who neglected you… She passes out and your friends seem turn on you…

The ‘friends’ you had for years… or Sierra… You make the wrong decision.

You soon enough write Sierra a letter, then hear she said something about you.

She didn’t.

You write horrible things in the letter, that aren’t you.

You didn’t read it before you gave it.

You make a good friend, cry. And you don’t get her back, despite your hard efforts and the fact you realized your mistake.

You and Shannon…It ends online. Facebook was the dagger, but you were holding the dagger. You say things you dint need to. You loose her. From this point on, religion is the wall between you two.  

You dump Jason, in attempt to focus on life. This is a mistake… He goes back to Benji and you try your hardest… he tells you everything you two have done means nothing anymore…

You think of nothing but hanging yourself… You find bullets and a shot gun and begin crying… You were strong, because your still here and didn’t shoot…

Remember that damnit, you were fucking strong that night. Don’t ever forget how strong you are.

Now it’s you and Asacia, without her, you would cut your heart out. She saves you. 

You have no one for the most part of school…

You come to a school with hundreds of kids everyday, and you feel alone… Asacia is in one class. She helps you through so so much,  and she doesn’t even know it…

You lost every one… You come to school and skip every day. You and Asacia go to the river you ran away to when running from Sheppard Pratt every day and just talk, sit, enjoy life, for what’s to enjoy…

Things are happy…

You haven’t cut for a while… Since the beginning of the year…

Since Jason… 

But that life’s over.

You focus on business, the future is important to you. Until you get accused of copying…

Your art teachers interrogate you, you act, strong. But when you left the room you begin crying… You know your not a copy.

Your mom tries to get the school to do something about the interrogation… Hours of being told your horrible, and you shouldn’t make art. At some point, you stop… You don’t sew for months…

Eventually you skip school all together. Your moms puts you in home schooling because you can’t  handle the horrible school system… You had no friends… Teachers and students all learned to look down on you.

Your summer starts a month early… Celebration of one…  You go crazy at first… But things are easier… Being alone.

You see Asacia once in a while… her fucking nutty ass mom never lets her out… You become friends with Shannon once more after your realize your flaws and apologize… 

Sierra calls you one night, you shake and cry… Your breath of fresh air is back…

Not. She never contacts you… It’s been weeks… 

She's become someone wo go into a 'lone' state. Atleast thats your best guess.

Asacia's mom still doesnt let her leave due to baby's.

Things begin to spiral once more.

You and Shannon… you think your getting along and things are great, but out of no where… She chooses religion over you. Out of, no where. No arguement, in fact you were hanging in the street having a ball moments before.

Can you blame her? That constant voice in your head will tell you this. Your no good. You’ll cry, and grab a knife… Instead you wrote this…

No one is worth pain.

Right now you have Asacia, and you should be grateful…

Screw everyone else...

This isn’t the end of this letter… You have much more ahead of you… 

Keep fighting… 

Best of wishes, if you think no one loves you, remember I do.

Sincerely, you

Brann

P.s. I didnt proof read this. If your offended... That's life. This is mine.

P.s.s. I didn't add a few things. 

P.S.s.S. Tay, you rule.

June 26th