Soap-time-capsule.

I catch myself rubbing my eyes wondering what to do, what’s going on, even why I’m here. Answerless question that I subconsciously ask myself for kicks. I stretch, get up, and jump in the shower. I take extra long, singing to the constant over sounding water. Singing to myself. Letting my words run free in lyrics I create on the spot.  I wash twice, and sometimes just sit and let the water run. Why worry about bills when trying to clear a mind?
I sing because I feel safe there. Alone. I trust myself with the lyrics I spew and never write down to see the light of day.
I smile, dance a little, even turn on some good Glee Tunes and go karaoke style.
This is my sanctuary.
To do as I please, be myself and talk a million voices without opening my lips. It’s one thing to be safe in your head, in your mind. But another to let your mind run free, somewhere safe as.
I know it’s cliché, singing in the bathroom, but this is what I do. I don’t always sing, I talk sometimes. Cry. Wonder, and sometimes just plain think.
The sound of the constant water blocks out all sounds. Kills the monsters. Shields from the weapons.

I have this body wash, expensive stuff, 3 ounces tops. Small tube it is. I got it Christmas 4 years ago from an aunt. It’s smells different from any other smell, and as much as I had no care for it then, it’s important to me now. I hide it on my private shelf, in plain sight, but untouchable next to my other soaps.
When I’m in deep thought, lost, or just wonder what I’ve done with my life so far, I take a pea sized amount of the soap and rub it through my hands and onto my shoulders. Doing this over the course of four, life changing years. It now brings back horrible moments, great times, tragedies, even what seamed like miracles. The scent isn’t a scent, it’s a time capsule, for me. My past holds the key and no one has my past, so no one has my key.
Looking at the reminders of my past, such as this soap, I remember what I’ve accomplished. What I’ve done to be the person I am today.
And I like who I am today. Allot.
I wont be here the next day. I’m changing everyday, or rather second really. You can see me one week, and see another me the next.
People always change.
This soap proves that, to me. That no matter, how horrible a time, a moment, or even a life changing event, I will get stronger. This will change me, only for the better, because I won’t let this change me for the worse. Nothing can change a person for the worse. A mothers death, loosing your twin, loosing your legs, sight, wife, daughter, son, nothing.
Nothing.